The parents of a President believed to have allowed a helium balloon to strike the Twin Towers in New York City will face international charges.
The Secretary of the International Court of Human Justice in The Hague, Jimbob Alderman, was speaking after interviewing the parents of George Shrub, aged six, and announced that they would be indited on two counts of mass murder.
Alderman had earlier said that he did not believe the balloon attack was anything but a surprise unstoppable terrorist incident, but now said that George Shrub Senior and his wife Eva were behind the attack, and had arranged for the entire defense system of New York City - the most heavily-guarded place on Earth - to let the balloon hit the buildings.
'Well, every day the USAF intercepts balloons that infringe on New York air space within seconds of them doing so', he said, 'though it usually turns out to be harmless. But on September the 11th., 2001, miraculously they failed to spot the balloon, despite it being monitored by satellites approaching the city hours earlier.'
'And I can now reveal that after the balloon hit the Twin Towers, Shrub ordered the air force to stand down. The one time in New York history you'd expect the air to be filled with fighter jets, and not a single one to be seen.'
'I can also reveal that there was a second balloon, also carefully monitored by satellites, which was also allowed to fly in and hit the buildings. A child knows all of this, it's not helium-filled rocket science, except in America where grown adults believe anything they're told by their government. We're not Americans here in The Hague, so Shrub Senior and his wife are now wanted as international terrorists, international terrorists that arranged for over three thousand people to be murdered.'
But Shrub's parents denied the charges, and insisted that the balloon crashing into the Twin Towers had not been stage managed. 'This is what didn't happen', George Shrub Senior said, 'A balloon with nobody in it wasn't filled with inflammable helium gas, and its controls weren't set to make it fly into the Twin Towers.'
'The USAF weren't ordered to allow it to do so, then fake radio messages pretending there were people on board the balloon weren't released, suggesting terrorists had hijacked it, passengers shouting for help, etc., etc., the sort of cartoon crap Yanks will believe in if it's on US TV news.'
'Then, in case people started to notice what was happening, I didn't arrange for a second balloon to do the same. Hell, with CIA satellites monitoring every square inch of the world 24 hours a day, it sure must have been surprise attacks by terrorists!'
But Jimbob Alderman still refused to drop the charges. 'As already stated, we are not Americans. Shrub Senior arranged the balloon attacks and then arranged a terrorist hoax to explain them away. He is still wanted on charges of international terrorism.'
The Trappist Monk Barack Obama as usual had absolutely nothing to say about this, or about anything of importance at all.
