The CEO of Kan-tuck Fried Chicken, a 5-year-old chicken franchise that is really starting to catch on, has stated that it's employees who work in their restaurants for minimum wage for 20 years will be highly compensated by receiving 100 virgins, male or female, their choice, upon "shuffling off to Buffalo Wings! as we call it here!"
Charles Parker, nicknamed "Chicky Baby", grandson of the famous General Parker who had nothing to do with chickens and was actually allergic to feathers, told the press in Bare Wallow, Kentucky Wednesday that the 100 virgins are absolutely guaranteed or you get your 20-years back.
"We have sacrificed over 10,000,000 chickens and checked with a Madame Bereft Byrd in Haiti and she told us that that was the minimum sacrifice needed to secure the virgins."
"Of course, dancing naked under a full moon wasn't really a part of it, we just made that up. But didn't we have a lot of fun?"
Chicky Baby, not to be confused with his dad, Chicky Doc, stated that he knew there was a market out there for more fried chicken just a little over five years and 10,000,000 dead chickens ago, when he noticed that most fat asses at WallyMart were still able to get down the aisles even though any two on one aisle would give each other a good rub.
"Then I noticed a high-five and an exclamation of "Popeyes?' and "No, KFC", and, of course, "You Go Girl!"
"The guys usually just talked sports but at least they recognized each other as fried chicken fans."
Of course, the other KFC immediately promised 1,000 virgins which was downright silly, so they quickly withdrew the offer and offered employees a 50% discount which they knew would never be used, everyone there being sick of handling fried chicken or smelling the hot soaked feather smell coming from the factories.