Iowa Grocers Warned Not to Feed Teenagers

Funny story written by Adam Click

Sunday, 20 September 2009

image for Iowa Grocers Warned Not to Feed Teenagers
State Game Warden, Benjiman Fine cautions grocers not to feed teenagers.

Des Moines,Ia-State officials have once again warned grocers not to feed Teenagers after a ravenous youth went wild and destroyed a supermarket overnight in Sioux City.

The incident at Phipp's Shop and Chop wasn't discovered until Manager Greg Phillips arrived for work and found what at first appeared to be a wanton case of vandalism. That was until he discovered sixteen-year-old Dennis Hopper perched atop a freezer display case with half a salmon in his mouth. The wild-eyed boy glared at the man for a full minute before barring his teeth and then running off.

The manager recognized the boy and he was found soon after by Game Warden Benjamin Fine, who coaxed him out of hiding with pizza rolls which were laced with tranquilizers.
He was then relocated to a military school.

"It's something we see all too often." Warden Fine explained. "In this case the staff started feeding the boy out the back during breaks because they thought he was cute. Next thing you know he's coming into the store looking for more. It's when the teenager becomes a pest and the staff stops feeding him that the trouble starts."

"Teenagers can be very persistent in their demands for food and once you feed them they'll keep coming back, whether you offer them food again or not." he warns, "so it's best not to start. You have to remember that teenagers are wild animals and that's where they belong,in the wild."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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