"Shrinkage" is Not a Sign of Hermaphroditism, say officials after Hollywood Man Calls 911

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Sunday, 13 September 2009


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Is it really shrinkage or Hermaphroditism?

Los Angeles, California - Harold Johnson, 47, was like most men of his age, confident in his sexuality; his gender never before held in question, certainly not his "manhood". That was until one day, while lounging poolside in his home in the Hollywood hills, he read an article about the hermaphrodite runner from South African, Caster Semenya.

After taking a swim, Johnson removed his wet swimming trunks and looking down he noticed that his penis had retreated into his folds of excess skin and fat, so he panicked and called 911.

"I never really paid much attention to the shrinkage before," confessed a panicked Johnson to the operator in his 911-phone call. "I knew it always shrunk a little whenever it got wet, it was cold outside or my ex-wife's alimony came due, but this Caster Semenya thing got me thinking...maybe I'm a hermaphrodite too?"

As the operator admonished Johnson for calling 911 for a non-emergency related issue, he suddenly became faint and collapsed to the floor, losing consciousness.

"So I had to send out an ambulance to check him out," said Rwanda Jackson, 911 operator. "Well, not that way. Medically speaking. You get what I mean."

On the scene, emergency technicians arrived to find Johnson, a portly balding man, lying unconscious on the wooden deck of his swimming pool, white bathrobe wide-open, exposing his private parts.

"They called me to let me know that Mister or Miss Johnson was going to be alright," said Jackson. "He, or she, just suffered a mild concussion."

Jackson then went on to causation men overly concerned with their shrinkage as being a possible sign of hermaphroditism to undergo a medical examination by a trained professional, rather than conducting a self-examination on their own.

"You may not like what you find," said Jackson. "Or like in Johnson's case, what couldn't be found. That reminds me. I have to give my lazy ex-husband a call. He's late with my alimony again."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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