Penis Minus Wilson (Not his real name) has made a discovery that has him all aglow and the first thing he did was share it with his wife, Halletta, an Efe pygmy.
Then she was all aglow too.
"After all these years of being on the receiving end of jokes like, 'You going to get that boil lanced?' and 'How come your breasts are so small, Missy?' I'm ready for them."
Before Penis makes his big announcement the National Inquisitor has discovered that Halletta has recently given birth to twins. They are holding off naming them because it's an Ituri Pygmy custom to wait six months and "see if they have come to stay".
Also, they're still trying to find out if they are boys or girls or one of each. By six months, the doctors believe they will be able to tell.
Needless to say, they take after their dad.
Now Penis can make his announcement.
"I was in the tub the other night and, just my luck, we ran out of hot water. So what, I thought, I'll just soak real good in cold water and I fell asleep.
When I woke up I was very cold and I started to get up, grabbed a towel and THERE IT WAS, sticking out like a big five inch lead pencil! For some reason, instead of cold water causing shrinkage, with me it causes biggage...or whatever! Who would have thought it?
So I went over to Roger Beefstick's house down the street, who has a pool and after we have a good long game of table tennis, he usually pulls off his clothes and jumps in the cold pool. Of course, I have never joined in although he always asks. I think he's heard rumors.
But the other night I jumped in the cold water too and when we started to get out, there I was! Proudest moment of my life next to marrying Halletta.
Then Roger got out and I stated, "Gee, Roger, what's happened to the golden goober?"
"He quickly covered up and yelled, "It's shrinkage from the cold water. I'm going in!"
Penis then stated he hopes Roger gets the word out so he can hold his heads high while going shopping this winter.