ORLANDO, Florida - A 60-year-old grandfather, John Moyer, is on trial for allegedly inappropriately touching Minnie Mouse in the Magic Kingdom.
Grandpa Moyer supposedly touched the costumed character's chest (cajooblies) and buttocks (butt). He said that it is really all just a big misunderstanding because he was merely wiping off some cheese from a nacho that a bratty little 8-year-old kid named Muzzy Custardquist had rubbed on her costume.
Minnie Mouse aka Harleen Dardanelle said that she does not remember feeling little Muzzy touch her on her above named body parts.
Grandpa Moyer said that the reason that she does not remember little Muzzy touching her was because his hands are the size of a 3-year-old's hands.
Moyer said that he also remembers a definite smell of what he believed to be either Corona Light Beer or Schlitz Malt Liquor coming from Minnie Mouse's costume.
The attorney representing Minnie Mouse, Rocco Rizzuto said that ever since this unfortunate incident his client has not be able to return to work. He added that she cannot even go anywhere near cheese products especially cheese slices, cheese dip, and cheese whiz.
He also said that whenever someone is going to take her picture and they yell cheese she instantly starts shaking uncontrollably and invariably ends up peeing on her Nikes.
Rizzuto stated that now some of the neighborhood brats are starting to call his client names like Velveeta, Gorgonzola Girl, and Monterrey Jacky.
Minnie Mouse's husband Fiori Dardanelle said that the other day his wife saw him eating a bag of Cheetos and she ran outside yelling and screaming. He said that she was completely naked at the time.
He was finally able to lure her back into the house after about an hour by telling her that he would cook her a cheeseburger without the cheese.
Meanwhile, Moyer's attorney Cavatina Bolero-Zinconi has stated that she plans to subpoena the president and vice-president of The Wisconsin Cheddar Cheese Council who have both publicly stated that they believe John Moyer is telling the truth and that Minnie Mouse is lying out her 'cheester.'