Deranged Redneck Spoof Writer Blows Up San Francisco Onion Headquarters

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

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"It's a lucky thing I stepped out to use the bathroom." - SFO

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A less than regular contributor to The Spoof known as Morse drove a Yellow Rider truck full of explosives to California late last night and blew up the San Francisco Onion's home office.

Security cameras caught site of the vitriolic halfwit exiting the vehicle shortly before it exploded, blowing a gaping hole in the side of the building and scattering debris as far as Oklahoma City.

"You know, I should have seen this coming," said the SFO's founder. He indicated the uncompassionate conservative had become "agitated" the day before when science and hard facts entered a political discussion, followed by his being spoofed in an allegorical piece about his contribution to global warming.

"An allegori-whatsit?" said the hate-mongerer shortly before he lashed out, his fury finally motivating his sorry ass to publish an article or two full of bile-ridden, incendiary drivel that would make even Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh green with envy.

Psychologists found some parts of the inflammatory spoofs "intriguing."

"When people point out other people's character flaws," explained SFO staff psychologist Ginger Steele, "they tend to point out the same ones they have. It's very common. People project their own traits onto other people, partly because that's what they are most familiar with, and partly because most people subconsciously want to believe others are just like them.

"Does this mean Morse is a frustrated loner, a closet case, and secretly yearns to be with a cucumber? Only time will tell."

Morse does have a tendency to seek companionship online, playing the "yes man" in The Spoof's discussion forums daily and inserting vegetal intercourse into the conversation, while seldom contributing any humorous articles.

Aspiring spoof writers would be well advised not to piss this guy off, or talk about gun racks or rednecks, not to mention economics, science, mathematics, nutrition, the environment, or anything else too complicated to fully wrap his mind around, as he is just smart enough to be dangerous and likely to strike again.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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