Monster Hurricane Devastates South Carolina Town

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Sunday, 26 July 2009

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Many curious to see if FEMA handles things any better under President Obama.

MORSE, SC - The town of Morse, South Carolina, population 1, will not appear in any atlas you ever open, because it was blown completely off the face of the map today by a devastating 600-mile wide category five hurricane, said sources.

The town's one resident found himself awash in mid-spoof as Ana's 35-foot storm surge plowed into the South Carolina coast, packing 185 mph winds that blew him all the way to San Francisco, where he may likely join homeless Katrina victims still wandering the streets to this very day.

South Carolina was lucky this time - one-quarter of the state's population lives in the seven counties bordering the coast, its 900 square miles of low-lying land are especially susceptible to the effects of such devastating storms, and a direct hit on Charleston could have cost nearly $75 billion.

Fortunately, most of these areas are devoid of spoof writers.

Experts indicate the storm was the likely result of 1.5 billion head of cattle, each weighing nearly half a ton, farting countless metric tons of methane into the atmosphere, adding a few extra degrees to the ocean's surface and creating monster storms like these.

They further advised the town's one resident to do his part and consider skipping red meat at least once a week if he does not already do so, or else the same thing may happen again no matter who he votes for.

A smattering of U.K. spoofers urged him to comply, knowing that a warmer atmosphere could also mean melted fresh water from glaciers pouring into the Atlantic, destabilizing the balance of salinity required by the Atlantic Conveyor, plunging the United Kingdom into a deep freeze every winter despite global warming.

Upon hearing the news, The San Francisco Onion reportedly ordered one of the most mouth-watering falafel sandwiches you could possibly imagine, sat back and laughed...

...then got all freaked out for a second wondering if an earthquake was going to strike today.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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