SEASIDES HEIGHTS, NJ, USA Acerbic tongued Simon Cowell, the much-hated judge of "American Idol" and quite likely one of the most-hated men in the entire universe, quietly turned himself in to the New Jersey State Police in today's tragic death of two time Idol contestant and full time potty mouth Alexis Cohen.
Cohen is most widely known for her filth strewn rant directed against Cowell following her rejection as a contestant on American Idol, during which she displayed her anorexic derriere in a bid for Cowell to kiss it.
Cowell is said to have suffered a psychotic break when informed that Cohen intended to audition for a third time for the upcoming season of American Idol.
Unfortunately, at the same time Cowell was receiving the news from from Ryan Seacrest by cell phone, Cohen, who reportedly had been stalking Cowell, leapt in front of his vehicle, bare cheeks exposed in yet another contemptuous salute and assessment of his character.
"Certainly I could have swerved to avoid her, as there were no other vehicles on the road, but I simply chose not to," commented Cowell after being interviewed briefly by the police.
No charges are expected as Cohen's death has been ruled justifiable homicide.