Nine-Year-Old Guitarist Blows 'em All Away On America's Got Talent

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 16 July 2009

image for Nine-Year-Old Guitarist Blows 'em All Away On America's Got Talent
Little 9-year-old Tallan Noble Latz in his backyard after his dad just told him that Eric Clapton wants to meet him.

LOS ANGELES - Little nine-year-old Tallan Noble Latz from Elkhorn, Wisconsin appeared on America's Got Talent and he proceeded to show the audience, the judges, and the television viewers that he can flat out play the livin' daylights out of the guitar.

The audience gave him a standing ovation and the judges were left with their mouths open. Judge Sharon Osbourne told him that he plays like one of the big boys and that in her opinion he is already just about as good as one of the greatest guitarists of all time, Jimi Hendrix.

David Hasselhoff asked him how old he was when he started playing the guitar. Tallan smiled and said that he first picked up the guitar when he was about 8 weeks old.

He stated that of course at the age of 8 weeks he only knew three chords but it was a start.

Tallan said that by the time he was three-years-old he was already playing songs such as "Layla" by Eric Clapton, "Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and "Foxy Lady" by Jimi Hendrix.

And at the age of four, he was signed to play weekends at The Damp Red Sawdust Bar & Grill. It was there that he first met Garganzola Gary & The Sliced Cheese Band.

Gary and the rest of the band had been bickering back and forth like most bands do about song choices. Gary leaned more towards song classics by Grand Funk Railroad, The James Gang, and Led Zeppelin, whereas the other band members preferred songs by The Cowsills, Herman's Hermits, and Nancy Sinatra.

So when Gary said that he was leaving the band and moving up to Winnipeg, Canada the band decided to ask Tallan to join and he did. The band's new name became Tallan Noble Latz & The Cheddar Cheese SOB's Band.

Judge Piers Morgan, who was truly amazed at Tallan's machine-gun-like finger work asked him if there was any song that he could not play.

Tallan smiled and answered "No sir, if the song has notes, I can play it."

Judge David Hasselhoff asked him how he felt. Little Tallan looked him in the eye and replied that he felt real good and that he sure could use a cigarette and a beer.

Mrs. Osbourne said, "A cigarette and a beer?"

"Yes ma'am, that's right."

"Little boy how about I take you over my knee and give you a good old fashioned spanking."

"Excuse me Ms. Osbourne, but didn't you just say that I played just like one of the big boys."

"Well yes, I did say that."

"Okay and it's not like I'm asking you to hook me up with a chick or something."

"Are you serious little guy?"

Tallan laughed and replied "No ma'am. I'm a big little kidder. I was just pulling your leg."

"Well I must say that it is a rather nice invitation, but how about you give me a call once you turn 18."

And with that, Tallan Noble Latz walked off the stage to the thunderous applause of not only the audience, but the judges, the stagehands, and the cameramen as well.

SIDENOTE: Jimi Hendrix has got to be one pleased guitar-playin' dude.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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