Los Angeles Enacts A Moratorium On Celebrities Dying

Funny story written by Wire Piddle

Monday, 13 July 2009

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Los Angeles, CA - Los Angeles mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa, has enacted a moratorium prohibiting any celebrity from dying inside city boundaries for the next month. In a statement released this afternoon, Mayor Villaraigosa aknowledged that the moratorium was enacted partially as a result of the $1.4 million cost resulting from security surrounding the Michael Jackson memorial.

The mayor stated, "We can't afford anymore high profile celebrity deaths in this city, particularly celebrities. It's always a slippery slope when you have to single out one group amongst others but the situation is untenable."

"To all celebrities out there, if you start to feel like death is at your door, I suggest you have your chauffeur drive you across city limits, perhaps up to Santa Barbara or in the mountains somewhere. Just get out of the city as quick as you can, somewhere like Bakersfield or maybe if you have a second residence in Las Vegas. These places are better prepared to handle a celebrity death than Los Angeles at this point in time."

Several notable celebrities were seen packing up their belongings and heading out of town. Don Rickles, Abe Vigoda, and Ernest Borgnine were all seen together heading to Vegas.
Zsa Zsa Gabor and Eli Wallach were seen boarding a bus to the Monterey peninsula where they were to meet up with Carol Channing.

Hugh Hefner decided to stay put but graciously posted a bond with the city should anything untoward occur at the Playboy Mansion.

The recent rash of celebrity deaths has also created a bit of a stir amongst the Beverly Hills set, with psychics and clairvoyants tripling their business overnight.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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