El Paso, TX - Giant killer snakes that can easily swallow livestock whole have been booking tickets on Greyhound buses and heading for Florida says Senator Bill Nelson to a congressional panel.
"We gotta stop this before somebody gets et (sic)," the Senator warned. "It's a slippery slope. Once they take up residency, they'll be wanting benefits too."
Pet pythons found lurking in the Everglades have been known to grow up to 50' in length once they're out in the wild.
However one family of snakes, on a stopover in Abilene, stated that the threat was overblown. "We're just gettin' away from all them drug war murders in Mexico. Once we git to Florida, we aims to keep to ourselves. People should pay us no mind. The only snakes ya' all gotsta worry about are lobbyists in Warshington."
It was confusing to us, however, how this snake had a particularly Texan accent but claimed to be from Mexico. We put this question to a world-renowned herepetologist.
His response was, "You want to know why the snake sounds like a Texan but comes from Mexico? You're kidding me right? Snakes don't talk."