Boy Eaten By Lake Bacteria Gets Sick On Hospital Ice Cream

Funny story written by Wire Piddle

Friday, 3 July 2009

image for Boy Eaten By Lake Bacteria Gets Sick On Hospital Ice Cream

Durham-Raleigh, NC - A boy who nearly died after being infected with flesh-eating bacteria after swimming in a lake has become sick after eating a soft-serve ice cream bought from a vendor in the hospital parking lot.

The boy, 14 year-old Matthew McKinney, lost half his nose, half the palate in his mouth and some teeth, and antibiotics didn't work to cure him. This all because he cut his knee while swimming in a lake. When asked by a reporter what he most would like to have, now that his condition had stabilized, he replied "...chocolate mint ice cream."

A few minutes later, a nurse entered the room with a dish of soft-serve ice cream for the boy.

Within four hours, Matthew was convulsing in agony, spitting up blood, vomiting, sweating buckets, puking up huge gobs of phlegm and generally feeling not at all well. After being rushed down to intensive care, he was given a stomach pump and a full enema. Lab work confirmed the presence of E-Coli bacteria.

Unfortunately, his previously exhibited resistence to antibiotics means that he will have to undergo dialysis and blood transfusion in order to prevent complete kidney failure, coma and, ultimately, death.

Although he is expected to recover, the prognosis might have been a bit better if a visitor to the Intensive Care Unit hadn't offered him a helping of raw cookie dough, apparently a common offering to hospital patients by visitors in some developing countries.

Between lapses into a coma, Matthew did express his optimism that others will learn from his experience.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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