Michael Jackson Leaves Everything To Macaulay Culkin

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 26 June 2009

image for Michael Jackson Leaves Everything To Macaulay Culkin
Michael Jackson shown with his second future ex-wife dermatologist Deborah Rowe.

HOLLYWOOD - Michael Jackson's lawyer Erasmus Rainmaster has said that Mr. Jackson left everything to his long time friend and Neverland pal Macaulay Culkin.

The 28-year-old Culkin who starred in the 1990 blockbuster movie Home Alone was vacationing in La Habra, California when he was told. Culkin reportedly asked, "The ferris wheel too?"

Culkin was asked what he liked the most about Jackson and he thought for a moment and then he said that he liked the way that Jacko would say things like "Do you think that me doin' the moon walk makes me look fat?" and "I don't care what people think, I am so hittin' it." [EDITOR'S NOTE: By hittin' it Jackson was referring to Lisa Marie's Woo-woo (joybox)].

Macaulay who is 28 says that he will take part of the money and build a museum to house the Jackson Five memorabilia like the belt that their father Joe Jackson would use on the five boys when they didn't do as he said.

Other memorabilia that will be housed in the museum will be Janet Jackson's first, second, and third training bras. As well as Tito's autographed Lew Alcindor (Kareem Abdul Jabar's) Los Angeles Lakers basketball.

Jermaine's autographed Willie Mays outfielder's glove will also find a place in the museum as will Marlon's autographed Madonna girdle and autographed unused pantiliner.

Michael's sister LaToya's collection of cosmetics will also be placed in the museum. LaToya's collection reportedly contains over 4,000 lipsticks, 800 eyebrow pencils, and a self-tattooing tramp stamp kit.

One of brother Jackie's contributions will be a photograph of their friend and mentor Diana Ross. In this extremely rare snapshot Miss Ross is not shown throwing one of her patented hissy fits.

Culkin has decided that he will have Neverland completely leveled and he will build a hamburger restaurant in Jackson's honor. The restaurant will be named The Moon Walk Cafe.

He said that he and Michael talked about it years ago. The menu will consist of ThrillerBurgers, Moon Walk CheeseBurgers, Ben Fries, Rockin' Robin Onion Rings, Billie Jean Burritos, and Beat It Pepperoni Pizza.

In related news. Regarding Jackson's United Kingdom Tour, his manager Erasmus Rainmaster has said that Amy Winehouse has agreed to take his place.

Winehouse says that she knows all the words to every song that Jackson ever recorded, except for the song "Ben," but she said that she'll find the lyrics on the Internet.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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