FTC Considers Banning Trial Lawyer Television Advertisements

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Sunday, 21 June 2009


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Washington DC: The first day of two days of testimony before the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has been completed. At issue is whether the nation's trial lawyers should be allowed to continue to advertise certain specific services on broadcast television channels.

Several witnesses testified that the FTC should ban advertisements that relate to possible medical malpractice class action cases. Mrs. L Loveless (not her real name) described viewing the following narrated advertisement while watching television with her husband Bob dozing on the couch.

"If you or a loved one have been exposed to a sexually transmitted disease (STD) you may have legal rights to a settlement. An employer, a city, a state or a bus company may have been negligent and can be held responsible for damages. Please call the law offices of Tort, Torte & Tart at 800-STD-MONEY for a no cost consultation to discuss your case."

Bob had a rather sheepish grin on his face, but confessed that he had sex with the office secretaries during the day, the local prostitutes hanging around the office building after 5:00 PM and some lady on the 6:00 PM commuter bus. He then stopped at the doctor's office for a shot of Penicillin to negate the STD he had contracted.

As advertised the no cost consultation with Tort, Torte & Tart resulted in Mrs. Loveless successfully suing Bob in Divorce Court for $5.5 million.

Tomorrow various trial lawyer associations and the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) positions will be heard. Following political pressure from the White House and Congress the FTC will rule.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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