Former Ford truck owner and 35-year Ford man, Franklin Tomes, had the misfortune of having his balls fall off while test-driving a 40-miles-per-gallon Toyota Yaris, Friday.
"Oh I don't blame the Yaris people", stated Toms in a voice range so high it started the dogs in the Russellville, Kentucky neighborhood to barking and howling.
I've been driving Ford tough trucks, the big guys, for the past 30-plus years and that's about all I know about vehicles where I live. That's because everybody else has one. You should see them at The Bigger Burger on Friday nights."
"But the gas mileage is eating up our budget alive and I'm tired of doing without my favorite beer and food because I've spent it all on gas!"
That's what led Tomes to come try out the little Yaris.
"The Yaris sits up high and would cut our gas bills to a third! So I came down here just to try one out."
But, "trying one out" eventually cost Franklin Toms his balls!
"I had just left the lot and noticed the little car drove well despite causing me to be a bit 'clause de phobic', as the French say, when I felt something warm go down my left britches leg.
Then, just after I had puttered the little car around the town, I felt the same sensation in my right leg and when I hit the brakes they were a little "squishy"."
Apparently, it was when Toms got out at the lot that he discovered that his balls had fallen off.
"I took them over to Doctor Juan and he sewed everything up but they just don't work anymore.
So I though that as long as my balls had fallen off and my voice was like a chipmunk, I might as well buy the little car.
At least we have more money now...but not much in the way of sex."