Obama To Close Atlantic And Pacific Oceans

Funny story written by Andrew Lawrence

Monday, 15 June 2009

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In an effort to exert total control over all aspects of American life, high ranking far-left liberal members of the Obama administration and Congress are rumored to be holding secret talks among themselves regarding closing the oceans bordering the U.S., i.e. the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean.

Secret political discussions are reported to be under way, often held on private government jets, as to viable reasons far-left politicians might put forth to convince the American public that closing the oceans would be a good thing for the country and a good thing for U.S. residents, legal and otherwise.

Possible political reasons under consideration by the government to close the oceans include:

  • Extreme liberal environmental scientists say that closing the oceans will help reduce global warming.
  • The oceans bordering America need to be protected from man-made pollution, including peeing in the ocean.
  • Oceans cost too much to maintain.
  • The oceans are deep and thus pose a potential drowning hazard for every minority who can't swim.
  • The oceans are a playground for the rich, with their fancy, huge, million-dollar yachts, and the rich need to be punished.
  • Closing the oceans would protect the taxpayer. There are sharks in those waters, sharks which can eat taxpayers who swim in the ocean, and we need all the taxpayers we can get.

Closing America's 2 oceans. Ridiculous? Far-fetched? Under the Obama administration and its socialist agenda nothing is too ridiculous or far-fetched!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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