WERNERSVILLE, Pennsylvania - Jon and Kate and their eight kids have returned for season five of their reality show "Jon and Kate Plus 8."
The TLC reality show which centers on the daily goings-on of the Gosselin family with their 2 eight-year-old twin daughters and their 6 five-year-old septuplets is kind of like California's OctuMom, except that this show actually has a father who participates in the everyday caring and welfare of the family.
The father is Jon Gosselin, 32, whose real name is Chim Chiminy Chang Soo. He is of Korean descent. Chim/Jon originally came over to America through the U.S.-Korean Exchange Pedicurist Program.
Jon currently works as a dancing pole installer. It's interesting that he has continued working since he and his wife recieve $75,000 per show plus they get all of their baby diapers, baby food, and baby pacifiers free.
Jon speaks semi-perfect English, very good German, and lousy Korean. He recently remarked that the TV show "MASH" misrepresented the Korean people. He said that Koreans do not all walk around with chopsticks sticking out of their shirt pockets.
He also said that contrary to what Miley Cyrus thinks, not all Koreans look alike and not all have slanted eyes. He added that some Koreans actually look like Cambodians and some Cambodians look like Laotians.
Jon also wants to clear up the false belief that many people think that Koreans eat dogs. He said that it is just not true. And he attributed that falsehood to the dumb, stupid, jealous Chinese stand-up comedian Suk Yu Nook.
The mother figure in the show is Kate Gosselin. Kate as her husband calls her is 34. She used to work as a receptionist for the law firm of Scuttle, Spaulding, Kosciuszko, and Flockette.
Jon and Kate met in September of 1997, at a Pittsburgh Pirates, Philadelphia Phillies game. He was carrying a hot dog and walking down the aisle to his seat when he accidentally tripped and dropped his mustard covered wiener, which landed squarely on Kate's lap.
He helped her clean it up and they started dating and were married the next month.
Kate who has great-looking legs, which she certainly showcased as she sat talking on the couch, speaks perfect English. She does have an occasional problem with dangling participles and often mispells the words Massachusetts, Connecticut, and chumbawumbas.
King Kate as some of the TLC cameramen call her behind her back has been known to be somewhat on the 'bossy-as-hell' side. She loves to assume the agressive role, the domineering role, and the French position.
Her favorite word is "Now!" and her favorite phrase is "I said do it now!" Kate has made it very clear that her favorite American Feminist group is NOW (The National Organization For Women).
Kate is definitely one spoiled mama. Everything pretty much has to be her way or she pouts, whines, crys, and resorts to kicking, clawing, and scratching.
Jon says that their medicine cabinet contains, a tube of Crest Toothpaste, a can of Right Guard Deodorant, a can of Lady's Choice Deodorant, an old bottle of Mercurochrone, and 5 tin cans of Band-Aids.
In this year's opening show, Jon and Kate addressed the fact that Jon is supposedly having an affair with a 23-year-old third grade teacher named Jintaci Loretta Lippencott.
They reportedly met when Jon attended one of Miss Lippencott's 'Show & Tell' presentations. She asked Jon for a ride home and he obliged her. She had used the pretense that her car was low on windshield wiper fluid.
That evening Kate noticed that one of Jon's socks (the left one) had some of Lippencott's DNA on it. She asked Jon if he had fallen in love with Miss Lippencott and he said no. She then asked him if they had played 'Hide The Salami.'
Jon answered that they had played Trivial Pursuit and Pictionary but not Hide The Salami.
Kate then said that she is considering filing for divorce. Jon asked on what grounds. And Kate replied "On grounds that if I divorce you, you're off the show and I can rename the show The Kate Plus 8 Plus Kate's Boyfriend of The Week Show."
Jon said that those aren't grounds. And Kate said that her attorney, Annunciata Fioravanti, who was named the 2008 Attorney of The Year by the highly reputable lawyer publication, Hung Jury Illustrated said that they are in fact grounds.
Fioravanti stated that Jon will also be paying Kate child support for all eight kids.
Kate asked him, "So what do you think about that Romeo guy."
And Jon replied "Jintaci?"
Kate answered "Yes Jintaci!"
Jon then got up, smiled, and sat next to her and said "Well let me tell you sugar dimples, Jintaci is nothing but a low-life, low-maintenance, unmoraled, uneducated, undisciplined, underwear witch with a 'B.'"
"Really Jon?"
"Yes, so honeycakes why don't you go get your sandals and bra on because I'm taking you and the eight kiddoes out to McDonald's."
In other news. Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has just released her sixth book. It is entitled, "Steamed Rice" and in it she tells how President Bush and Vice-President Cheney used to make her mad at cabinet meetings by saying things such as, "Condi, hon, how about you bringing us all some more coffee," "Leezza baby, would you be a dear and go bake us some oatmeal raisin cookies," and "Hey girlfriend, you sure be lookin' right nice today."
