Controversial semi-comedian and part-time husband and father, Woodward (Woody) Allen (Not to be confused with his second cousin, Woody (Wordward) Allen or Woody's nephew, Wormy "Wormwood" Allen) says that controversial Allen is NOT a member of the Temple Mount Faithless and is NOT Jewish.
"I have had people working since 5762 and they can find no record of his Jewish mother, the former Sister Rosa Maria, nor his father, Antonio Respidaro or Tony The Tank. The man has also traced Woody's lineage back seventeen generations or until he went blind and had to be helped from the Mormon temple."
"Perhaps Woody would like to respond. Perhaps he got his temple's confused."
When Woody heard of Woodword's assertions, he quickly dropped his pants and showed that he had been circumcised.
"That's not the work of Elana Bobbit", declared Woody. "There's your proof in the wood alone."
However, Woodward rejected the proof saying that any baby can be circumcised.
He also stated, "What's more, he is definitely NOT a member of the Temple Mount Faithless. I have talked to the leading Rabbis and they say they know of no such person."
"Next, I'd like to quote from Woody's own sister, Mother O'Flannery. 'That Woody guy, not Wormy now, Woody, IS my brother that Father Brothers delivered over 35 years ago. I remember it well because of Sister Rosa, my mother, acting like such a Smuck and screaming her head off or was it Woody's head. No, he's still alive yet he has a flat head... AND THAT MAN IS WOODWARD! I MEAN, WORMY! WOODY!! Standing right over there dropping his pants as usual. Now I must go see that the flowers in the church have been replaced by new ones. Shalom."
In conclusion, Woody will not admit to anything. He says he's Jewish, a member of the Temple Mount Faithless and has sent Woodward an enlargement of his circumcised penis which he claims definitely has the marks of clumsy old Rabbi Shakers.
