Without Greens, Nader Sees Rough Times Ahead

Funny story written by Liam_1959

Tuesday, 29 June 2004

Paloma (Roto_Rooters) - Spurned by the LGF #351 (Local Greens Farmers) that embraced him four years ago, independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader pressed ahead on Monday without his daily dose of fiber.

The Nader campaign is pursing a metamucil strategy that involves the intake of a laxative additive.

Complicating Nader's efforts to collect some greens, is his age, which is challenging his bowel regulation. Conservative groups are pitching in to help Nader, by donating to the "Help Ralph's BM"

Nader takes almost 3 milligrams, or 2.7 percent of the RDA, per half hour of the Green substitute. Many Physicians say his strong showing in Florida showed that the additive was working. President George W. Bush said fear could add to his constipation.

Nader spokesman Kevin Zeese said Nader's bowel habits should be kept private but he (Nader) decided to tell all while waiting inline in California.

Among the chief obstacles, Bobby Stoner lamented, were that while Greens were natural, most laxatives had some chemicals in them. Stoner was present when Nader finally made the disclosure from the mens room in California.

"It was a pretty discouraging experience for me," Stoner said.

"Nader is being used as a tool of the Republican Party and we're seeing some shenanigans to put Exlax in regular chocolate bars," said Sarah Rosen, spokeswoman for the Arizona Democratic Party.

Nader is also involved in legal wrangling in Texas. He struck a deal with the MFOT Local #745,
(Mexican Farmers of Texas) but missed their deadline. Nader is challenging.

When asked point blank about his ordeal, Nader responded, " I will need quite a bit of cash to feed my MM habit". Nader has raised about $1 million thus far, and is slated to receive $400,000 in federal matching funds, Zeese said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more