Written by Bureau

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

image for Paparazzi Should Follow This Prized Idiot Around

Saying he probably inhaled too many paint fumes while finishing his lawnmower in a small building, a Wisconsin man faces an arson charge after telling authorities he wasn't thinking when he decided to use gasoline for cleaning up his apartment, and then tossed a lit cigarette into a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes and got in the shower.

A criminal complaint filed Tuesday quoted 49-year-old William Hollings as saying he knew gasoline is flammable and never should have used it but he did anyway.

The complaint said that when the fire began Friday, he didn't pull the fire alarm but instead shouted "fire" a couple of weak times and walked to the Barren County police department for an ambulance to take him to the hospital where he was treated for burns and breathing paint fumes.

Firefighters said the blaze extensively damaged the apartment and caused heavy smoke damage throughout the building, putting tenants of 11 other units out of their homes.

"Put me in jail", Hollings told police. "Just don't send me back there. They'll tar and feather me like they did that one guy who huffed paint and ran wild a few years back."

"You know what? I believe that was me!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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