Massive deficits could force the U.S. Post Office to cut out one day of mail delivery, the postmaster general told Congress on Wednesday, in asking lawmakers to lift the requirement that the agency deliver mail six days a week.
If the change happens, that doesn't necessarily mean an end to Saturday mail delivery. Previous post office studies have looked at the possibility of skipping some other day when mail flow is light, such as Tuesday or even hump day.
"Passenger pigeons could also be worked in and we can round off our prices to the nearest dollar", stated John E. Potter, Postmaster General.
"Another thing we needed to stop a long time ago is all these people who want to stand around and chat. We could set a two minute limit for anything other than standing in line for services. People can find out about Aunt Peananny's bad case of hemorrhoids over the telephone or on the net. Or they could stand outside by their vehicles or in them if it's raining."
"Also each delivery on foot could be placed in plastic bags and thrown into the person's yard instead of having to walk all the way up to the door."
"I think watching that Soup-Nazi episode of Seinfeld every night for a week should be required as a model for customer lines to be enacted by post office personnel around the country."
