Pennsylvanian Woman Executed For Overdue Library Book

Funny story written by Number 6

Sunday, 25 January 2009

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Justice Is Served In Pennsylvania

Harrisburg PA-- A Brookhaven woman was executed at midnight for an overdue library book. Michelle Critter, 45, went to her death in the electric chair crying softly. She was the first woman executed in Pennsylvania in over forty years.

Ms. Critter was convicted of keeping an overdue library book for over two weeks in 2007. The book was "Jonathan Livingston Seagull". Ms. Critter claimed to be suffering from depression and the book made her feel better. The jury found her guilty on all fifty charges after an agonizing six-month trial. Related charges include: conspiracy, theft by deception, failure to respect library personnel, and crying in public. All the charges carry the death penalty.

Ms. Critter claimed her depression and a slight cold kept her in the house for two weeks. She claimed the book was treated well and the book was helping her mental disorder.

Prosecutors disagreed and Ms. Critter was charged with capital crimes. Prosecution evidence showed Ms. Critter tore a corner off page 32, left tear stains on page 103 and a coffee cup stain on the back of the book. Horrified librarians testified about the unspeakable damage to the book. The jury wept with the librarians and imposed the death penalty without reservation.

Residents of Brookhaven can breathe a sigh of relief today. The monstrous Michelle Critter is dead. Pro-death penalty demonstraters plan to cover her grave with copies of "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" as a final punishment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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