Written by Kevin Vandenbroek

Thursday, 15 January 2009

image for Woz: Steve Jobs Has Been Dead For Years
"The bite symbolized the fact that Steve was no longer with us," Wozniak revealed.

Apple Inc.'s Steve Jobs has been dead for decades according to his former partner Stephen Gary "Woz" Wozniak. The fifty-nine year old admits that Jobs actually perished in a February, 1981, crash piloted by Wozniak.

"I couldn't even remember the crash for years, let alone the fact that Steve was decapitated," Woz now recalls. "It all came back after I banged my noggin while competing in the Segway Polo match last August. That concussion also shook some sense into me. I quit dating Kathy Griffin."

Apple officials have confirmed that the likeness of Jobs was an extremely elaborate hologram cooked up by the company's R & D division. The unit wasn't ready for public display until 1997. "Steve's head has been frozen and under lock-and-key for almost thirty-years, along with the recipe for Coke," Ellen Hancock, a former Apple CTO, explained.

"We've been fighting a goddamned ghost?" Microsoft's CEO Steve Ballmer screamed when told the news. "Talk about cloud computing. Those bastards beat us again."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Steve Jobs

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