George Bush to Pope John Paul: John Kerry is Satan

Funny story written by Chuck Terzella

Sunday, 13 June 2004

President George W. Bush had a private meeting with Catholic Pope John Paul II in Rome where the President asked the Pope for help in his re election bid. President Bush, a born again Evangelical Christian who believes all Catholics will burn in Hell after the Rapture, reportedly complained to John Paul, "Not all American Bishops are with me" when it came to cultural issues such as labeling his Catholic opponent John Kerry as a Baby Killing, Queer Loving Tool of Satan. The Pope, Bush warned, should be aware of how the President regards those in the world who "Weren't With Him" on any issue.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "Aside from the fact that George Bush kind of threatened the Pope in the Vatican by saying he would be nothing more than a skirt wearing pansy if he didn't support his re election, I'd say the interview went well. Bush also asked that the Pope anoint him as the Second Coming of The Savior, but the Pope said he'd rather wait till after the Florida votes were re counted."

Cardinal Whitcomb (Plenary Indulgence) Waterhouse, speaking for the Vatican on the condition that his words would carry the Privacy of the Confessional, said, "Normally we would've kicked the little Evangelical Heathens butt outta the Holy See in a Roman minute, but we in the Church have been looking for a way to get back into politics big time for centuries, ever since the Borgia's really, and this guy (Bush) would owe us big time if we come down on his side. Fuck Tax Exempt Status, we're looking for some Real Power in the U.S. and a President in our pocket is just the thing."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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