Michigan Legalizes Prostitution

Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Michigan Legalizes Prostitution
The Official Bar Code Tattoo of the Michigan Ho

In a bold attempt to jump start the Michigan economy, chief Madam, Governor Jennifer Granholm has thrust a new proposal into congress suggestively guiding the legislative body towards the legalization of prostitution. Entering it quickly in the hallowed halls before the Holiday break, Granholm hopes the well lubricated political machine will do its job and provide the state some relief from the growing tension of a poor economy.

Hoping to attract thrill seekers from other states and internationally, Michigan plans to make the struggling Detroit area the new Mecca for legalized sex. Regulated by the state through mandatory weekly health checks, the state paid professional service providers will cater to customers through a fixed fee menu. Director of the new program, Buster Hymens says, "There will be no haggling over price with this system and all fees will go directly to the state to fund unemployment compensation. Of course the ho's can negotiate their own tips." When asked about any gender focus for the program, Hymens replied, "We will cater to both men and women and those in-between as well."

Job candidate Trixie Twocans tells the press, "It will be great to get my hands wrapped around a real job again. I can't wait to come to work, or at work for that matter." Hotel-like additions are planned for the existing Casinos in Detroit, combining two vices but not for the price of one. Hymens says, "What better place to visit than Detroit for legalized gambling and a little clean booty call on the side." One reporter responded, "Las Vegas, Amsterdam, Bangkok, you want me to keep going?"

Michigan state planners are looking to take advantage of the "Motor City" theme in creation of these new dens of iniquity. With names like "The Body Shop", "Hemi Head" and "The Drive Train" the new legalized prostitution venues will be targeted at the blue collar market. "Grease monkeys need lube too", says Twocans. "We're just the girls to crank his shaft."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more