Cheney interview sparks odd responses

Funny story written by Frank Cotolo

Saturday, 5 June 2004

image for Cheney interview sparks odd responses
VP Cheney tries recalling things at interview

PAINSBORO, Va. -- Vice President Dick Cheney was interviewed by federal prosecutors investigating the leak that revealed the identity of an undercover CIA operative.

The government official present at the interview, spoke about the session on condition of anonymity. He said, "It was a good interview. Cheney reiterated that he is in no way related to the famous silent-film star Lon Chaney, noting the difference in spelling. Prosecutors said they didn't care if Cheney was or wasn't related to the dead star.

"Cheney also admitted that he stole his quirky mouth curl from watching Bob Hope monologues. Prosecutors said they didn't care if Cheney did or didn't steal his quirky mouth curl from the dead star."

The official said that prosecutors questioned about whether Cheney knew of any White House effort to reveal the name of the CIA operative to any other members of the news media.

"Cheney chuckled," the official said, "and reminded prosecutors that he has long since given up his four-pack-a-day habit, which he claims he got from watching Humphrey Bogart movies."

The sessions reportedly went on through lunch, which Cheney offered to pay for from his pocket and "not from Bush campaign funds."

After lunch, the interview turned to only the questions Cheney seemed able to answer, including stories of his family, childhood and former years as a Presidential cabinet member. He also talked for more than an hour trying to explain the lyrics of Bob Dylan's Ballad of a Thin Man, a song he claims inspired his political life.

A prosecutor's staff member later said that Cheney seemed confused and that he kept asking, "Where am I?" Some speculate that Cheney has spent so many years now living and working from undisclosed locations that he is genuinely unable to identify where he is at any given moment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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