Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 19 September 2008

image for Giddy-Up Poll Shows McCain Ahead
1,010 Calories Per Serving

The latest Giddy-Up poll shows that GOP candidate John McCain currently leads Democratic candidate Barack Obama by three percentage points (53% to 50%).

When a Giddy-Up representative was told that 53% and 50% added up to 103%, and just exactly how could that 103 number possibly be possible, the rep thought about it for a few moments and then replied, "Well as you can see 53 and 50 does in fact add up to ahhh...103, now to answer your question as to how that could possibly be possible, well, let me see, if you take into account the fact that we have recently seen a large increase in the number of people registering to vote, you can then see how that percentage number of 103 came to be. And it really isn't some magical, numerical trick or something, it really and truly is basically very simple. So, I really do hope that my explanation has cleared it up for you because I am very, very busy running a poll service and all. Thank you so much and please feel free to take either one of the 'I'm Voting For The Taller One' pens or one of the 'I'm Voting For The Older One' pens."

In related news, Democratic vice-presidential candidate Joe Biden has finally been spotted by members of the media. A cameraman for CNN said that he saw him and two secret service agents at about noon at a Jack-In-The-Box in Saginaw, Michigan. The camerman, who did not want to give his name, said that Biden was having an ultimate cheeseburger, with curly fries, and a Dr. Pepper. Neither of the secret service agents were eating anything since, after all, they do have to dedicate all of their time and attention to guarding the candidate assigned to them (i.e. Joe Biden).

After Biden finished his meal, he stood up and got a free drink refill and then spent about 12 minutes having his and his two secret service agents pictures taken with all 13 Jack-In-The-Box employees, as well as with the two customers.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: I have no idea what the big secret is but the CNN camerman's name is Kabanero Matuschanskayasky, no relation to Walter Matthau whose real last name, amazingly enough, is also Matuschanskayasky. Now as for the secret service agents they are simply known as SSA-1003 and SSA-1007).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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