New York, NY--The United States scored a political victory today by successfully registering the phrase "International Community" as a commercial trademark with the US Patent Office. Under International Trade Organization rules, other nations, including Russia, are obliged to cease using the phrase unless they can obtain a licensing agreement with the US.
"The immediate benefit is that this gives us the right to say 'the International Community(TM)' disapproves of Russia fighting back in South Ossetia, but long term, I can think of countless situations in which having the International Community(TM) on our side could help to sway public opinion," said Undersecretary for Hearts and Minds of the Dept. of State, Miles Gibson.
"We were worried that the Georgian invasion of South Ossetia, using Ukrainian tank drivers, and US advisors and ground-to-air battery operators, would get a lot of bad press, considering that about 1,400 South Ossetian civilians were killed and 30,000 made homeless. But with the International Community(TM) on our side, we've been able to turn the whole PR thing around," he said.
Jeff Shamalamavilli, who serves under the Undersecretary, and was responsible for US planning in the run-up to the invasion, said, "Besides this trademark thing, which is brilliant, the best thing we've done is to get all the major media to avoid mentioning that the Georgians killed so many people and destroyed the regional capital. Instead they just say 'about 1,500 people have been killed in fighting between the Russians and Georgians.' See, it sounds like the Russians killed them. Ha! That's brilliant, that is!"
Although the majority of nations does not support the US/Georgian/Ukrainian position, the trademark allows the US to determine the International Community(TM) opinion unilaterally.
For example, the United Nations Security Council sessions meant to isolate Russia diplomatically failed twice to reach agreement on a call for an immediate halt to the conflict in South Ossetia, but the US was able to claim a diplomatic victory nonetheless.
Russian UN Ambassador, Vitalis Churlish, said Georgia was deliberately targeting Russian peacekeepers in South Ossetia and accused Tbilisi of "ethnic cleansing" and using "scorched earth" tactics. "Many towns in South Ossetia have been completely destroyed," he said. "Georgian snipers are not letting ambulances through or allowing medical services to save people."
However, the US licensed the trademark to the Georgians, allowing their ambassador to state, "Russia is openly challenging the International Community(TM) and jeopardizing established international order and stability. We demand the Russian Federation immediately terminate aerial bombardments, immediately pull out the occupying forces, and negotiate ceasefire."
Diplomats said that a Russian proposal calling on all sides "to renounce the use of force" was unacceptable to the Georgians, who were supported by the US and the Europeans in their view that renouncing the use of force should only apply to the Russians and South Ossetians, and not to licensed members of the International Community(TM).
