Washington, DC - The Republican National Committee launched its "Fear We Can Believe In" campaign today, in support of long-time Senator John Sidney McCain III's quest to replace George W Bush.
"For too long, too many Americans have not believed in fear," said a spokesman. "They've let themselves be distracted by hope, by the illusory freedom of being free, and by a mere scrap of paper called the Constitution. We intend to bring America back to the state of gut-churning terror that has lead the Republican Party to victory before, using as our theme Fear We Can Believe In"
McCain applauded the move. "There will be more wars," he said, "But the American people won't mind, so long as no one gets hurt who they know. Americans can do anything, if you frighten them enough, and I have a lot of plans along those lines."
Some have questioned the politics of fear. "We have nothing to fear," said former president Franklin Delano Roosevelt, "But fear itself."
But others have a different view. "Roosevelt won his war in a mere four years," said Republican strategist Richard "Dick" Cheney. "He missed many opportunities to profit by dragging it out. What kind of way to run a war is that? Remember: Fear!"