Google stock splits with announcement of broadcast venture

Funny story written by ej moore

Wednesday, 23 February 2005


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GBC headquarters

Mountain View, CA - Google, the Internet's premier search engine, today announced plans to enter the broadcast market with the Google Broadcasting Company (GBC), and investors were delighted to witness an immediate stock split following news of a Google television network.

GBC will present tech-targeted sitcoms, dramedies and biopics beginning with Larry's Kinky Keyword Day, a film starring Jack Black and Ben Stiller as Google co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin. The movie features cameos from Angelina Jolie, Hilary Swank, Carmen Diaz, Halle Berry, Cate Blanchett and Julia Roberts as the pair's "Oogle babes," and the plot surrounds the ranking of popular search phrases such as Britney Spears lesbian kiss, Janet Jackson exposed nipple and Paris Hilton cell phone sex video.

In addition, GBC will debut its Searchable Airwave Satellite Software Integration (SASSI) system accessible via thought-activated mini-transponders now being tested at Google Labs. This state-of-the-art technology allows viewers to keyword-search cached versions of every television show ever broadcasted including all episodes of viewer favorites such as Sex in the City, The Simpsons and The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. GBC spin-off channels will include Geek Music Television (GMTV), and the Google News Network (GNN).

Representatives of GNN are currently in negotiations with popular brothers Luke and Owen Wilson to headline the news channel's anchor desk. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Owen Wilson stated the belief that "Luke and I will give Hannity and Colmes a run for their money because we're hipper, quirkier and I think we have more hair."

GMTV will debut by taking a marketing risk in presenting only independent music videos but Google founders Brin and Page believe this decision will reinvent the music business. As stated on "Do you have a band? Send us a video. Google supports garage industry."

"Our pigeon clusters have thoroughly reviewed the GBC concept," said Google co-founder, Sergey Brin, "and the birds have given it a wings up."

Brin also says that GBC is courting Bill Gates to host a reality show titled Win Microsoft's Money, and Martha Stewart has already been signed to headline an explosive series about a women's prison titled Ahz.

"We are a fair and balanced network," Brin added.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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