Michael Jackson's Penis to Testify

Funny story written by Chuck Barber

Wednesday, 5 May 2004


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A source close to the Neverland Ranch stated today that Michael Jackson's penis, Winkie Jackson, has agreed to testify at Jackson's upcoming child molestation trial.

Speaking only under conditions of anonymity the source confirmed reports leaked from the District Attorney's office that someone "extremely" close to Jackson would testify. "Winkie has been rubbed the wrong way by all of the press attention. He's ready to testify to protect Michael from all the abuse he's getting." The source went on to state that Winkie would almost certainly deny that he had ever been in close contact with any child.

Though garnering kudos for courage by agreeing to testify, credibility issues have dogged Winkie Jackson for some time and legal experts question just how much help his testimony will be. "Ever since Winkie lied about Lisa Marie Presley," said Georgetown University Law Professor Netton Bayley, "his credibility has been an issue. He's always shooting off his mouth. I wouldn't put him on the stand, no way!"

The Neverland Ranch source went on to dismiss further suggestions from the District Attorney's office that Jackson's anus, Allison Jackson, would testify. "Allison, of course, has nothing to hide," he said, "but she opens up a completely different aspect to the case the DA could use to smear Michael. She'll never testify."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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