State House, Trenton - New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine announced today that he will enact extreme measures to cut the state budget and prevent an economic upheaval. Among the most extreme of the measures will be the shutting down of the entire State of New Jersey and laying off of prisoners currently incarcerated in state prisons.
During a radio address today, broadcast from the State House in Trenton, New Jersey's Governor Jon Corzine announced that he has ordered the complete shut down of the state. The shut down will not only involve state government services, but also the entire state. The Governor has ordered all foot paths, trails, highways, roads, train tracks, and sidewalks leading into or out of the state shut down. Similarly, the entire east and west coastline is to be closed. Travel will be forbidden and all residents will be restricted to their homes until further notice.
In an unprecedented move, the Governor has also ordered the Department of Corrections to create a layoff list and implement layoffs of prisoners by June 1st, 2008. The layoffs will be conducted in inverse order, forcing the prisoners who pose the least threat to society to bump up the chain of seniority until the bumping results in the most hardened and dangerous criminals being released from the system.
"Releasing the most experienced criminals will result in the highest production of criminal acts in the most efficient manner possible," Corzine explained. "Crime is good for the economy and stimulates cash flow in vital areas of law enforcement, health care, the court system, and mortuary services. This part of my plan ties in with the shutting down of the state and restricting residents to their homes. Without law abiding citizens moving about, there will be less of a strain on public services, and no one will report any crimes, thereby allowing the criminals to do their part unfettered. If allowing criminals to pour into our country from across our borders is good for the national economy, just think of what criminals can do for us on a local level."
"We're not going to wait around for something like Ronald Reagan's "Trickle Down" theory to take effect. That could take years. I call this my, "Force Feed Theory." Once we all get used to the discomfort, we'll fatten up in no time."
