Washington AC/DC - (ReUterus & AssoCIAted Mess): Sweating profusely and with a noticeable nervous tic on the pretzel area of his temple a visibly frightened President Bush today urged the House of Representatives to quickly pass the Wirecrap Immunity Bill to retroactively shield him from prosecution over illicit government eaves droppings.
Earlier in the day White House legal counsel had briefed Bush about scores of lawsuits that have been filed against both participating telecoms companies and dozens of top Administration officials, "including lawsuits from over forty family members of a former President of the United States."
"This could really hurt, George," Dickless Cheney told the President later in he day as White House lawyers pointed out that the same former President's family already holds four legal anti-harassment injunctions against him and Bush Senior, dumbass brothers Jeb, Neil and Marvin Bush, 'Unka' Jonathan Bush, Mrs Barbara Bush, Laura Bush, the Bush twins and an assortment of related shrublets.
"Mr President, you also knowingly bugged a member of that former presidential family who you had kidnapped and tortured as a child, whose assets you stole on three separate occasions and who successfully sued the shit out of you in 1980, 1985, 1988, 1990, 1992, 1995 and 1995.
"What the hell you gonna do when the family goes public?"
Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald is cock-a-hoop.