Dearborn, Michigan General Motors Corp. reported today that it lost US$38.7Billion in FY 2007. But GM Executive Charles Wherzet had high hopes of recovering the money. "I just saw it last week on the conference room table. It can't be that far away."
Assembly line workers were pulled from various manufacturing plants, equipped with flashlights and Glad bags, and told to begin scouring the nearby grounds.
Frank Affo, a Troy, MI plant worker and UAW member number 46579, who wished to remain anonymous, was among those called into the search last night.
"If I find it, I'm keeping my fair share!" Affo stated, his breath visible while speaking in the bitter cold. "They owe it to me!" He then added "but don't print that."
Union leaders declared that this "alleged loss" was yet another ploy by GM against granting union members their rightful share of the company.
One UAW leader declared "I've heard it from a reliable source that (a high-ranking GM official) has a stash in his house. While our union folks starve with wages as low as $35 per hour…remember that's only $52.50 for overtime…there's that GM official sleeping more comfortably on his mattress stuffed with Ben's", a reference to hundred dollar bills.
GM officials denied that the money resided in any single mattress. One official responded "the most we could possibly fit comfortably into a king-size bed is $180,000. I mean, in theory. Mathematically speaking. If one were to try this. Which we didn't."
