Tories ban bald leaders

Written by Gareth Carpenter

Tuesday, 10 February 2004

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Iain Duncan Smith - the bald truth

Tory spin doctors have introduced a new rule barring bald men from becoming leader of the Conservative Party.

From 1st March, any MP showing signs of male pattern baldness will automatically be excluded from leadership contests.

Tory spokesman Rupert Hirsute said the change had been instigated by the lack of success of previous Conservative Party leaders William Hague and Iain Duncan Smith.

"Let's face it, they were both slap-heads and they were both shite," he commented. "From now on, only men with a full head of hair will be allowed to lose our elections for us."

Current Tory leader Michael Howard welcomed the change in regulations. "I think a few more hairdressers and barbers will vote for us if the main face of the party has a hairstyle," he said.

However, a spokesman for the Citizen's Advice Bureau described the move as "discriminatory and illegal".

"You can't make a connection between baldness and failure," he said. "Look at Kevin Keegan and Graham Taylor."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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