Schwarzenegger Extinguishes California Wildfires with Single Breath

Funny story written by tzdan

Sunday, 4 November 2007


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"You see, right here are the lung-muscles, which you must work by continually blowing."

SACRAMENTO - The wildfires which ravaged much of the US state of California last week were finally extinguished Sunday by a single herculean breath from the lungs of governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Thousands lined the streets of Sacramento and cheered Schwarzenegger, who returned to Sacramento in his Hummer after completely annihilating the wildfires like they were a pack of wimpy terrorists or Predators.

"I'm very thankful for your appreciation, but really I was just doing the job I was sworn to do as Governor," said a characteristically modest Schwarzenegger. "I promised to protect and serve the public and I did that," he declared in his classic Southwestern accent.

When asked how a man, even a seven time Mr. Olympia, could extinguish all the fires with only a single breath, Schwarzenegger, as usual, credited his training regimen. "I spend a lot of time working my lungs. I love to blow things. I'm always blowing, blowing, blowing. Too many bodybuilders focus only on the show muscles like the biceps and abs, but as I've always said, you must work all the muscles for true symmetry."

The throng of tearful Californians applauded the governor, who condemned the actions of those responsible for starting the fires, believed by Schwarzenegger to be "puny terrorists or terminators".

Schwarzenegger, a recovering sex-addict, reportedly groped only one woman while offering condoling hugs to those who lost their homes in the fires.

The wildfires, which raged for much of last week destroying the homes of thousands of Californians, finally made news headlines Tuesday when the castles resided in by A-list celebrities like Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks were threatened.

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