Global warming causes cat population explosion; kittens being born due to late-season breeding -- thanks balmy weather!

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Sunday, 28 October 2007


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Kitten population bomb explodes at local animal shelters due to global warming

Seattle, Washington - Pussies are getting all hot and bothered resulting in an extension of the mating season that usually ends by October before starting up again in April. However, due to the balmy weather, cats are knocking their mittens and having kittens well into the fall and late winter. Many blame the cat population explosion directly on the unforeseen effects of global warming, while other say it is due to owners not neutering and spading their cats.

Meanwhile, residents are being issued free earplugs by their local Humane Society and are being asked to exercise patients in this difficult time.

"I used to be a cat lover, but now after this month. It's dogs for me from here on end. I'm sorry, but I just can't get any sleep," said Alfred Johnson, former cat lover who placed his cat up for adoption rather than neuter the beast. "I've never heard sounds come out of my cat like that, not for so long into the night. Our relationship will never be the same. So I'm giving her up."

Reports from other animal shelters from across the country confirm that they are seeing cat owners giving up their cats, complaining that their relationships with their cat has been permanently damaged as a result of shattered nerves from the incessant mating howls form their once beloved pets.

"That's why we are offering free earplugs," said a Marsha Verona, director of the West Hollywood Humane Society. "We strongly urge you pickup an extra pair for your neighbors too. But it's really important to remember, it's not the cat's fault. They are just doing what comes natural to them."

Verona could not stress enough the importance of neutering and spading your cat as the preferred way of dealing with climate change that has affected the cats breeding habits.

Scientists warn that such unforeseen events like the extended feline reproductive season is just one of the many changes we can all expect with global warming. After this, however, scientists expect changes in the breeding habits other species as well.

"We now foresee a problem with locus, frogs and rivers turning red with blood. You know, Book of Revelations end of the world kind of stuff," said Michael Hoff, meteorologist. "So if you think having to put up with the noise of cats banging boots is bad, consider yourself lucky. For now."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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