Rumsfeld/Wolfowitz to Hand Out Candy Corns of Appreciation this Hallowe'en

Written by SpaceElevator

Sunday, 21 October 2007

image for Rumsfeld/Wolfowitz to Hand Out Candy Corns of Appreciation this Hallowe'en
The rare and bittersweet -- Candy Corns of Appreciation

District of Columbia (Scars and Tripes) - It began quietly enough last week when the Dalai Lama was presented the prestigious Congressional Gold Medal for his many years of selfless work with Tibetan llamas.

On Monday of this week the Honorable George W. Bush (who bravely served in the Texas Air National Guard in the late-1960's and early-1970's) posthumously presents the Medal of Honor to the family of Lieutenant Michael Murphy for conspicuous gallantry above and beyond the call of duty while bravely serving in Afghanistan in 2005.

Thus an ideal opportunity is born for vocal critics of the increasingly-irrelevant New York Times to call for the newspaper's head-on-a-platter due to lack of coverage regarding the nation's highest combat honor. (Ignoring the bigger question of why the US has only managed to recognize three servicemen for Medals of Honor during the past six years of fighting enemies abroad...)

Sensing blood and a bandwagon (and also a photo opportunity) former US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfled, and Deputy Secretary of Defense, Paul Wolf-o-witz, have agreed to hand out Candy Corns of Appreciation to families of combat veterans this October 31st.

Said Rumsfled: "These tasty treats will demonstrate to our military families just how much our entertainment-&-sports-obsessed nation appreciates their sacrifice." Wolf-o-witz added: "It also sends a message to Al Qaeda that we have confections and we are not afraid to eat them."

(For more coverage of this story do stay tuned, sports fans.)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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