Washington corruption probe swells

Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 1 September 2007

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The heart of the Bush/Cheney corruption machine

Washington DC - (Disaster Press): Corruption busting fever is rampaging throughout Capitol Hill this weekend with at least four Republican Senators and six House of Representatives members in the firing line,

Idaho Senator Larry Craig is the latest casualty in the Senate to bite the bullet after going down on a male indecency charge involving an airport bathroom and mouth- to-organ resuscitation techniques outlawed as lewd and perverted.

Next, New Mexico's Peter Domenici and Representative Heather Wilson are trying to wriggle their worm-like way out of a Senate Ethics Committee probe that says they tried to procure Albuquerque state attorney David Iglesias to fast-track a corruption probe against Democrats to sway the 2006 elections. Iglesias has said he taped his accusers conspiring to 'hang him out with the laundry' after a tip-off from the Feds.

Meanwhile Alaskan Corrupt Bastards Club paterfamilias Senator Ted Stevens is kicking and screaming his way out of another FBI corruption probe that says he was a puppet of oil field services graft specialist VECO's Bill Allen, who has plea-bargained his way out of a 100 year custodial sentence by grassing up a swathe of Alaskan state law makers as well as Stevens himself. Last week a federal judge slammed Ted Stevens's son Ben as a corrupt Bastard in every definition of the term after seeing evidence from corroborating sources in Bruce Weyhrauch's plea bargain.

And for the last three months Florida's Senator David Vitter has been branded a liar after being caught out on a Washington brothel-keepers little client telephone book showing he'd bankrolled the cathouse business for nearly a decade with his patronage.

Over in the House of Representatives John Doolittle, R-California had to exit the Appropriations Committee after FBI raids showed he and his professional fundraiser wife Julie were in bed with jailed DC lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

Next Louisiana's Democratic Representative William Jefferson has shown what Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club grandees have called "exceptional talent" after being busted in June this year on federal charges of racketeering, money-laundering and soliciting more than $400,000 in bribes. His burgeoning corruption rackets involved dodgy African deals which were nailed when the Feds found $90,000 in cash stuffed in his freezer at home. His excuse to the indicting judge was that the money was merely the proceeds of a cookie bake-in held by his wife as well as Tupperware party takings.

Then Californian Republican Representative Jerry Lewis is in the doghouse as federal prosecutors probe his connections to lobbyists and contractors during his chairmanship of the House Appropriations Committee.

West Virginia Democrat Allan Mollohan is also under the Feds' spotlight about his relationship to nonprofit groups' enjoyment of federal funds and dodgy real estate investments. This has cost Mollohan his seat on the House ethics committee despite frenzied outbursts claiming he's been framed.

Arizona's Rick Renzi, R-Arizona, is also in deep shit as a federal enquiry probes his land swap dealing that enriched an ex-business partner by over $4.5 million. This associate supported Renzi's election campaign with huge financial contributions and clamied no wrong-doing after getting his subsequent £££s handout. Recently the probe has swelled as the Federal Election Commission grabbed renzi by the short and curlies on charges of bankrolling his 2002 election campaign with illicit prohibited corporate funds - in a manner that made VECO's plea-bargaining douchebag Rick Allen drool with admiration at the artistry of Renzi's modus operandi.

All these corruption probes may be just the tip of the proverbial iceberg according to influential FBI sources who have admitted to drawing out a stealth campaign to reel in their targets in a protracted but relaxed manner.

However persistent reports from the UN Security Coincil insist that the US corruption probes are about to go nova some time around this Labour Day weekend and have warned that the current exits by Bastards like Rove, Gonzales and Snow are powerless to prevent "one hell of a bust" in the DC melting pot of corruption centered on the Bush and Cheney double act.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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