Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout America? Gary Coleman to Run for Pres in '04

Written by Deanna Goodson

Sunday, 7 March 2004

image for Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout America? Gary Coleman to Run for Pres in '04
I have a dream...someday I'll be president.

Somewhere in California,

Former child star and security guard, Gary Coleman has announced today that he will run for the presidency this year.

"I just got the politician bug. It's in my blood, man. I've got to do this thing." He mentioned to someone he thought who cared.

It's true that Gary had an unsuccessful run for governor in California, but he feels that the presidential election will be a much easier contest.
"There's no clear-cut choice. It's Bush or Kerry. No one's gonna vote for Nader. Besides, I came in like fourth or fifth in California and they had like 500 candidates. This time will be a breeze." He is rumored to have said.

He believes it's time for the world to realize that he's no political lightweight, and he hopes that people will refrain from the name-calling and short jokes that Vanilla Ice subjected him too when he was on the "Surreal Life."

"Can you imagine, a man who called himself Vanilla Ice, had the audacity to make fun of me? It's disgusting." He said.

When asked about his running-mate, he mentioned that he had a 'short list'. Possible options are: Emmanuel Lewis. Todd Bridges and Ricky aka RICK Shroeder. As Gary said, "I want to appeal to a certain demographic, the 30-40 somethings who remember us from tv in the eighties. No one is catering to them."

A formal announcement and press conference are planned for sometime next week.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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