Portland, ME -
A lonely woman ended her singledom today. "Today, I married my best friend and , my horse, Spirited Lover. Boy does he live up to his name."
The woman assured reporters that she was of sound mind and body. She went on to say, "this is the best lover I have ever had. I mean he's hung like a horse and he lets me ride him anytime I want to."
She did admit that the marriage was probably not legally binding. They got married by a Justice of the Peace, an ordained minister of the Church of Horse Love.
The Church of Horse Love started in the sixties after the appearance of Mr. Ed on US television. Adherents to its doctrines believe that horse love is the purest love there is. Usually the behavior is kept quiet, but with, "the success of "Seabiscuit" last year, we have seen enrollment double. Yup. Up from 4 to 8 members worldwide."
The 35 year old spinster, who has been around horses all her life, guffawed. "Love is love. I decided it was time to commit to my horse."
The happy couple is going to the Kentucky Derby for their honeymoon and the bride hopes to foal sometime next year. They do plan on sleeping in separate stables for a while.
Officials in Maine have no comment. They just hope this whole things blows over soon.