OJ Simpson to Pen New Book

Funny story written by Dignan

Monday, 13 August 2007

OJ Simpson announced today his latest venture in the literary world. His sophomore effort, If Someone Else Did It, takes the infamous murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman into uncharted waters.

"I knew we had to put a fresh spin on the story. It's been told a thousand times. To me, it's really a modern-day Shakespearean tragedy told in the fantasy/thriller genre," comments OJ.

If Someone Else Did It examines a fictional "love square" between OJ, Nicole, Ron and OJ's evil doppelganger - AJ Smithson. The doppelganger administers repeated physical and psychological abuse to Nicole, all under the guise of being The Juice.

"AJ's actions become more atrocious and bold as the story unfolds. As AJ's character grows to be more malicious, OJ's character grows to find inner peace and harmony in a crazy world." OJ continues, "Both OJ and AJ are perfect examples of the classic archetypes of good and evil. AJ's really a metaphor for all of our inner demons."

The book's most shocking and thrilling moments take place the evening of the murders. OJ is relaxing at his Brentwood Estate when his doppelganger appears mysteriously from the shadows. With a sinister grin on his face, AJ tells OJ of his intentions to murder both Nicole and her new young lover, Ron Goldman. This incites an uncharacteristic fit of rage in OJ and an intense life or death fight breaks out in the bedroom.

The doppelganger manages to render OJ unconscious by the repeated slashing OJ's hands with his evil fingernails. With OJ knocked-out, AJ takes a few moments to peruse OJ's closet - finding a pair of Bruno Magli shoes and one black Aris Light XL glove. When OJ awakes, he turns on the news and finds that his both his ex-wife and her lover have been murdered. He quickly realizes that his doppelganger has framed him for murder.

OJ is quick to point out that the suspense does not end with the murders of Nicole and Ron. "There nothing more exciting than a car chase," says OJ with a devilish smirk on his face. The rumored climax of If Someone Else Did It puts the reader in the passenger seat of the now famous white Ford Bronco. Hundreds of police cars chase the Bronco down a crowded Los Angeles freeway, with a framed OJ stopping at nothing to prevent his doppelganger's escape.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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