Written by Doug Powers

Tuesday, 17 February 2004

image for Campaign shocker: Drudge Report breaks news of Kerry affair with Matt Drudge - story quickly pulled
"The hat was his idea," admitted a still smitten Drudge, in reference to Kerry

In a potentially campaign-ending accusation, it has been reported that presidential candidate John Kerry has had an extramarital affair with Matt Drudge.

The Drudge Report website, the first to break a recent story concerning Kerry's alleged affair with a female intern, and Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky, is also, ironically, the site reporting of Kerry's affair with Drudge.

By the time Drudge realized the story was about him, it had already been posted for hours, and was removed far too late to go unnoticed.

The headline read, "Gay affair rocks Kerry campaign."

The story read in part, "Panic has hit the campaign of John Kerry after this reporter has learned that the senator and presidential hopeful has had an ongoing affair with a man who runs a news and gossip website."

Only after Drudge posted photos of the "mystery man" and Kerry holding hands on a wine tasting visit to the Napa Valley, followed by a trip to Beverly Hills to purchase matching fedoras, did it occur to Drudge that he was talking about himself. Drudge later acknowledged the affair, calling it the "most wonderful experience of my life, with the exception of the time I knocked back jello shots off Ann Coulter's ass."

Kerry is still denying the affair, but Drudge claims to still be in possession of a cocktail dress, high heeled pumps, a "Best of Cher" CD, and a throw pillow with "evidence" on them.

More as the story continues to develop.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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