New Diet Craze Hitting Wisconsin

Funny story written by Leanna Lawrence McCormick

Wednesday, 28 January 2004

Madison, WI-- In an effort to find alternatives to the popular "low-carb" diets, the University of Wisconsin has released the first reviews from its new "Butter Diet."

"This is an exciting time for Wisconsin," says Dr. John Conqueso, head of the department of Health and Nutrition. "We are proud to offer one of the first diet plans that gives the user almost no personal choice in selecting foods."

"This is the worst diet I have ever been on," admits test subject Mary Dewanny. "But I did lose over 47 pounds in two months."

According to Dr. Conqueso, the genius of the plan is its simplicity. "Many subjects ask if margerine can be occasionally substituted for butter, but we strongly recommend sticking with butter for the best and most proven results."

For variation, Dr. Conqueso suggests alternating between salted and unsalted butter. "Our test subjects got very creative with the meals and snacks they prepared on the plan." Recipes include clarified butter eaten like soup, as well as frozen butter on a stick, or "buttersicles."

Dr. Conqueso stresses that the Butter Diet is only appropriate for healthy adults. "There is almost no real nutritional value in butter, so your body needs to be prepared to go without several basic vitamins and minerals for the entire length of the plan."

Some common side-affects from the Butter Diet include loss of appetite, weakness, nausea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, stomach and intestinal cramping, halatosis and loose stools.

As with any new diet, Dr. Conqueso recommends consulting your physician before starting the Butter Diet.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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