Sure He Looks Like A Madman, But What Does Mitt Romney Really Believe?

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 11 May 2007

image for Sure He Looks Like A Madman, But What Does Mitt Romney Really Believe?
Romney in his younger days

Washington AC/DC - (Ass Mess): It ain't his religion, although the Reverend Al Sharpton might disagree. It ain't his politics, although Democrats see him as running the republican wing on the Republican Party. It's because Mitt Romney is just a tosser.

That is the verdict on the former Governor of Massachusetts who, late last year, spontaneously ejaculated with joy as he received a private audience with ex-UK Prime Monster and Hellfire Club's Grand Vizir Margaret Thatcher.

The ex-squeeze of George Bush Senior - who once famously bore him a son that became the regimental sergeant-major of the IRA Provos from the late 1960s to the mid-1990s - Thatcher ever so kindly ensured that UK security and intelligence services wiped out all Romney's classified criminal files as soon as she took office in Drowning Street in 1979.

"The man's a psycho" was the gist of NATO intelligence that MI6 took over after investigating Romney's messianic asprations to whitewash over the lunatic fringes of his religion's dark and grim roots.

"The man's still a psycho," was MI6's verdict last year after they wired Thatcher's hotel room where she finally anointed Romney as her chosen one following her Heritage Foundation visit to the US in the fall.

So what's all the fuss about then?

This week Reverend Al Sharpton attacked Romney's Mormon beliefs and wagged his finger at the 'type of God' that the Latter Day Saints supposedly believe in.

"My problem is that his Church is founded by psychos and racists," Sharpton said. "It's only since 1978 they've allowed men of color to become priests.

"In the words of their second prophet Brigham Young kids are still taught racist crap up and down the land at Sunday School.

"Here is the offending passage that I'd like Governor Romney to repudiate, in case folks is still getting the wrong message:

"Quote: 'You see some classes of the human family that are black, uncouth, uncomely, disagreeable, sad, low in their habits, wild, and seemingly without the blessings of the intelligence that is generally bestowed upon mankind.

'Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so.'

"Now as a man of color, each time I read that it makes me puke.

"And when I hear kids being taught that up and down the land, my blood just boils!"

So what of Romney's politics?

Well, post 9/11 and in the run up to the Iraq war the GOP was desperately cobbling together a fantasy theory that Al Qaeda and Saddam were in bed together.

And Governor Romney told US voters:

"We're all under attack by jihadists.

"They're not simply a band of lunatics in the hills of Afghanistan and Pakistan.

"Theyre everywhere. This is a worldwide effort by a small slice of Islam to subjugate all the nations of Islam to a caliphate."

That, and a little slice of yellowcake from Thatcher's disinformation vortex, sealed the US Republicans' God-given right to wage a war outlawed by the very rules it set down during the formation of the United Nations.

So why is he just a tosser?

Back in 2002 Romney served as president and CEO of the 2002 Olympic Winter Games held in Salt Lake City.

The Olympic Torch passed through many US towns on its way to the games site and briefly crossed the Alaskan town of Juneau.

In Juneau, not all were happy that fundie wing nuts like Romney had hijacked the Olympics to bathe in some coast-to-coast prime time reflected Games glory.

And one in particular crossed the Romney glory path, perhaps sealing his eventual fate in the messianic trawl for White House glory:

Joseph Frederick, an 18 year old student, thought the whole procession in need of a satirical touch to bring people back down to earth with a bump.

So there he stood on the day of the torch parade through his home town's main avenue, holding aloft a banner which proudly proclaimed: "Bong Hits 4 Jesus!"

The rest of the is now history as the US Supreme Court adjudicates the wanton violation of his First Amendment rights whereby his school principal tore down his placard in righteous fury.

And Romney?

Informed sources say that the Feds' recent indictment of the Juneau Corrupt Bastards Club extortion, bribery and graft racket connects to State Legislators being targeted by big oil services company VECO, whose two top executives has plea bargained their way to blag on accomplices.

Among VECO's 17 years of GOP bribery accomplishments is the $1+ million slush fund it bunged to Republicans in Capitol Hill and in gubernatorial offices up and down the US.

"He might still look smug as if they haven't caught him yet," said an Alaskan source.

"But sure as shit eventually hits the fan the VECO Corrupt Bastards Club extortion racket will drag Gov Mitt Romney down with the rest of 'em.

"Trust me, it's just a matter of days.

"This is the biggest corrupt bastard the Corrupt Bastards Club has ever known."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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