Wolfowitz and Gonzales comment on job swap

Funny story written by Quorum of One

Saturday, 5 May 2007

After their first days on the job in each other's former posts, US Attorney General Paul Wolfowitz and World Bank President Alberto Gonzales held a joint press conference to comment on the transition.

Wolfowitz, who spoke first, reported receiving 5,320 e-mails, memos and phone calls from female Justice Department employees claiming to be in love with him and, as many of them put it, "kind of fishing around for opportunities."

The new Attorney General denied rumors that he had been asked to become the next Prime Minister of Israel, explaining, "It's true that they have someone in there right now who has proven incomptetant, unethical and arrogant and who has no remaining support whatsoever among his own staff. So yes, it does sound like the perfect situation for me, but I wouldn't have the first clue how to even begin doing the job. I know nothing about the political system there, I'm not an Israeli citizen, no one has ever contacted me about this and I've never even set foot in the country, so it's just not possible. But if despite all that I do somehow become Israel's PM I will never resign. Ever."

When Gonzales's turn came to speak, he began by announcing that he had not reported for work that morning because he had lost the address of the World Bank Headquarters in Washington and the names and phone numbers of all of his assistants, deputies, secretaries and other co-workers, as well as his own car keys, wallet, watch, PDA, shoes and lip balm, and was therefore unable to reach his office.

When asked what he ended up doing all day if he wasn't at work, Gonzales replied that he couldn't recall.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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