The government has stunned the nation by announcing that it is to plough billions of pounds into a breeding programme for super-leeches.
The super-leeches are thought to be the way forward and hold the key to curing many ills. A spokesman for the British School of Motoring (BMA) told us:
"The use of leeches was par for the course in medieval times and they were known to have many practical benefits. Nowadays, of course, we are all practically immune to antibiotics so we need a plan B; leeches may just hold the key.
And the good thing is that there is no expensive maintenance with them. We just throw them a few fish at the end of a shift"
Herbert Hornswoggler, breeder of the super-leech, when asked if in fact the super-leeches were not actually just sea lions told us.
"No way chum! These guys are leeches and at £5000 a pop, then I ain't gonna shit in my own nest am I?"
PM, Tony Blair, entered the controversy last night when he told reporters:
"Leeches smeeches! Who cares as I'm off in a few weeks and Gordon can deal with this. I just signed the chitty"
