CAPITOL HILL (crAP)-Washington insiders are reeling at the latest libocrat lunacy to lambaste the land. In a radical 180-degree flip-flop from their traditional rant over the separation of church and state, liberal namby-pambies in both houses of Congress have unanimously supported a fiendish fit of foolishness that would annex the Ten Commandments to the Bill of Rights to the United States Constitution.
The only remaining issue under debate in the conference committee is whether the latest and greatest annexation to the "American Republic Bible" is whether to give the "Big 10" top billing or to relegate them to the bottom of the "ultimate 'to-do-or-NOT-to-do list."
As with anything attempted by members of Congress, this unheard-of undertaking has met with mixed reviews. Fundamental religious leaders around the country are applauding the effort, calling it a miracle, like turning water into wine. On hearing that, national chapters of Alcoholics Anonymous in unison shouted, "Amen and halleluiah, I'll drink to that!" Atheists were the most pragmatic, expecting to "opt out" along with members of the House and Senate who hold themselves "above" the stringent stipulations, adopting the "Do as I say, Not as I Do" philosophy.
And, rather than calling for the removal of the sacred slabs from institutions of higher learning, court and government buildings in municipalities from coast to coast (to include the far-flung Alaska and Hawaii), once enacted, the new Constitutional "Charter" will require the incorporation of the Twin Tablets of every office building, dwelling, gas station, fast food drive-thru, phone booth, and public and private conveyance, including buses, trains, planes and boats of every size and capacity.
Smelling out the potential for a quick buck, stone tablet carvers have already taken orders on what will be a business boon of "Biblical" proportions. Captive customers have complained of price gouging and inferior quality of commercial products. The Consumer Product Safety Commission has stepped into act to "judge" the market to ensure strict "sacred standards" are met and maintained.
The average schmoe from Kokomo doesn't quite know what to make of the phenomenon. "I don't even know what 'covet' means," exclaimed an exasperated Ben Cheeten. "Heck, I just been messin' 'round a little with the next door feller's little woman. Hope that don't mean I gotta stop now," he added. It was later learned that 'the little woman' in question was Cheeten's younger sister, Caffeen both of whom are native to the Appalachians. Turns out West Virginians are exempt from the "Thou Shall Not Covet" Commandment, partially because of genetics and partly because the concept is a bit much for them to grasp.
The consecrated Constitution is sure to be a target of groups like NRA and the ACLU who have already begun to take potshots at the controversy, particularly with the interplay between the 2nd Amendment's 'right to keep and bear arms' and the 6th Commandment's 'Thou Shall Not Kill." Even worse, image-conscious types like Ted Kennedy and Nancy Pelosi are starting to sweat the 1st Commandments 'Thou Shall Not Worship Any Other Gods' restriction. No doubt, there's going to be "Hell to pay!"
We are about to witness an evolution in how our government and our nation functions once this "divine" document goes into effect. If it survives it will surely be on "a wing and a prayer." How long Republicans legislators will allow this to go on only God knows.
