Cheney Boasts Mohammed Was Tortured, Vows to Torture Everyone for Israel

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Friday, 16 March 2007


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Cheney wants to torture you too

WASHINGTON (AP) - Vice President Dick Cheney has told the annual conference of the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) that accused al-Qaida operative Khalid Sheikh Mohammad was repeatedly tortured by CIA, Pentagon and Israeli sex perverts into confessing to leading more than 3,100 terrorist plots, including the attacks of September 11, 2001.

"Sure, we tortured that camel jockey," said Cheney. "We had to cause everyone knows that 9/11 was run by Mossad and the CIA so that we could grab Iraq's oil for Exxon Mobil, and so Israel could continue to steal Palestinian land and clear it for Zionists. Mohammed is totally innocent. And we will torture anyone who doesn't believe Mohammed's 'confession' for Israel. After all, that is what AIPAC pays us to do."

The confession appeared in the transcript of a closed-door US military kangaroo court at the US torture facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Most independent experts believe that Mohammad's confession is open to question, and were pleased at Cheney's candor at AIPAC.

Mohammed, the alleged mastermind of the September 11 terrorist attacks actually staged by Mossad as a 'false flag' operation, told a hearing at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, last weekend that he'd been continually abused by interrogators during his three-year captivity in a secret CIA torture network, US Senator Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., said Thursday.

"These allegations by Mohammed have to be taken seriously and looked at, cause he was being tortured at the time," Graham said. "Senior Pentagon and Republican perverts are known to have their way at those CIA torture facilities. And now that dork Cheney has confirmed it."

Mohammed had no visible marks on his body since he was water-boarded and electro-shocked, Graham said. "Those torture-masters sure know their job. The use Israeli techniques."

Mohammed said Islam justifies violent opposition to the US and Israeli presence in the Middle East since the former steals Arab oil while the latter steals Palestinian land.

"Israel is a lawless and godless state created from stolen Palestinian land," Mohammed stated at one point. "How could anyone possibly doubt that? The USA invaded and killed in Iraq for Israel, and now they wanna due it to Iran too. The bastards."

Human rights groups demanded that all classified torture documents be made public.

"It is a glaring misuse of the classification power for the government to classify information simply because it might be embarrassing or unlawful," said Kenneth Rust, executive director of Human Rights and Torture Watch. "Mohammed's claims of torture should be investigated rather than concealed, especially since that monkey Cheney is making boasts."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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